Everyday Meals

If You Thought Pineapple on Pizza Was Bad, Wait Until You Try Kiwi

kiwi pizza.jpg

People tend to have strong opinions about pizza, and no pizza debate inspires fiery takes and near-fistfights like the question of whether or not pineapple is a legitimate topping. It’s such a hot topic that Iceland’s president had to publicly apologize after floating the idea of banning pineapple on pizza in 2018.

But if you steadfastly believe that no fruit of any kind belongs on a pizza, then a recent bit of unfortunate news will have you pining for the days when pineapple was the only topping you had to worry about. That’s because a viral Reddit post of a kiwi pizza from a Danish pizzeria has been making the rounds, and this thing looks horrifying.

Maybe it’s because they couldn’t live farther away from where they’re cultivated and don’t know any better, but it’s so strange that the people of Denmark believe tropical fruit has a place on pizza. Is it that kiwis and pineapples exclusively shipped to pizzerias in Scandinavia and this is the only way for locals to try exotic fruits? I’m truly baffled as to how this could’ve come about.

Fittingly given the intensity of the pineapple debate, reactions on Reddit were mixed. “On behalf of Denmark, I sincerely apologize for this abomination,” says one commenter. But the most upvoted reaction admits that “this particular pizza looks bad, but I kinda want to try the combo.” Other commenters believe it wouldn’t be so bad with a salty element like ham to balance things out, so there’s at least a certain amount of morbid curiosity about kiwi.

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If you’ll allow me to indulge in some conspiracy theorizing, I think this is all a ploy by Big Pineapple. They know that if they can shift the topping discourse into more extreme, kiwified territory, suddenly putting some charred pineapple on top of cheese and tomato sauce doesn’t seem quite as weird.

So don’t fall for it if you see kiwi start to show up as a topping option in a part of the world that actually does pizza right (New York, Italy, etc.). Stay woke and skip the tropical fruits. We cannot allow Denmark to reshape our pizza discourse.

 

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